Friday, June 21, 2013

Thoughts on Pregnancy (from people who have most likely never been pregnant)

Long time no see. Hey listen, I've been busy. I've been knitting, and writing patterns, and nesting. And eating. Ok?
So I'll make it up to you with a BlogSpot exclusive.
There's a long list of things I don't do on the internet. One is Bump Shots. Another is Self Portraiture. I have nothing again seeing other people's, it just not something I do. BUT JUST THIS ONCE, to prove to you that I am pregnant (36 weeks!), and to go along with my theme for this post, I will divulge the bulge:
 Trust me when I tell you that objects in mirror are larger than they appear. So large, in fact, that no matter where I go, I get to hear about it. If you are or have been pregnant you know that having that belly might as well be a flashing sign that says: PLEASE! TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE THINKING, HONESTLY! Most of the time, it's questions about due date, gender, names, how many kids you already have... sometimes women want to tell you all about their own pregnancies or their daughters, etc. Totally fine, quite expected, always well intended.
Other times, um, it seems like people forget to process their thought before it comes out of their mouth, and I've accumulated a list of faves from all 3 of my gestation periods.

Two of the best came from my very own sweet little freckle face, during this pregnancy.
  OOOGHK! Mom! Your belly button! That's disgusting! ...uh, I mean, it's really big. Sorry?

 She asked me to sit down with her at our child size table and chairs, as she pulled out the chair she said:
Here ya go, don't break the chair! I mean, because you're big. Because you're pregnant.
(Can't say the girl doesn't know how to back pedal.)

First PG, I was HUGE. Like GI-NORM'. And my Grandma (bless her soul) who had no filter, and unintentionally offended her loved ones on a regular basis said:
Oh, Honey Girl... how are you going to loose all that weight?
(I don't know, Grandma. Love you though.)

The question 'when are you due?' is sometimes a tricky one if you're a tad on the large size early on in the game.
During my first PG, this big ol' friendly guy (with his own bulging belly, I might add) asked when I was due. Upon my response, his eyeballs popped out of his head and he said:
GEEEEZE!! Ya' havin' TWINS!?
(No sir, thank you, are YOU?)

A lady at the gas station asked me the same just a couple weeks ago and when I to her I wasn't having twins, her response:
OH! Well, you look great, actually.
(Thank you ma'am. Thank you for your opinion. You look great too.)

Chatting at a small town festival during the 3rd tri of baby #1, a sweet young girl said:
I bet you are excited to be able to wear cute clothes again.
(Because apparently you think my big maternity shirt is ugly.)

At a party about a month ago, while getting together for a group picture, the lovely person taking the photo said:
Hey, stand next to Jami, you'll look small!
(Don't stand too close, I might eat you!)

And maybe the strangest, most inappropriate, during PG #2, I was minding my own business pushing my cart in the Target parking lot and an old man yelled out across the row:
 Excuse me, ma'am? God Bless you for not having an abortion.
(Say what? I just looked at him and blinked with my mouth open ready to respond, but to this day I still haven't thought of one. Bizarre!)

I know, people are funny. I really never take offense. If anyone has ever put her foot in her mouth, it's this girl. Maybe that's why my daughter has become so good at back-pedaling?

Just wanted to share and check in. I'll be back soon (ha!). If you need me I'll be having a snack and then I'll probably organize a cupboard, and maybe after that I'll have another snack.